I’ve always thought that I should be able to find love on my own — and that it should just — happen. Even when my past gives me evidence to the contrary. Even when I pretty well have lost all hope of finding it.
Most of my learnings around love have come from floundering about in my own relationships, witnessing others flounder around me, and from watching movies that often lead me to believe that love just magically happens.
But I’d never actually learned an inner process on how to prepare myself for love in the first place, up until a few years ago. And I now get that “magically finding love” actually begins with an awakening to and awareness of myself and how I’ve been responsible for my disappointments in love.
Yes, that is what I said – how I have been responsible for my disappointments in love.
This recognition is frankly — a painful one. A humbling one. However, I know it is necessary to be able to see how I’ve been generating this painful story in order for me to change it.
For example, I have been walking through life believing that love isn’t possible for me, and I have been made right. Because every potential moment of magic that has been presented for me, I have discounted it, shot it down or pretended it was never there. It’s as if I’ve been looking at the world through impossibility-colored glasses, and in this state, love just, you know, isn’t possible. I have unknowingly made myself right.
But something has shifted in me – I’m now beginning to believe in the possibility of love for me. I have a newfound awareness to see how I’ve been contributing to the painful patterns I’ve been experiencing in love.
I am feeling a restored sense of power, knowing I can actually make changes that will result in my experience of love being different than it has ever been before.
I’m seeing this so clearly for myself now. Actually diving into the Calling in “The One” course has me seeing with great clarity how in the past I’ve been unknowingly creating my unhealthy patterns in love. But by seeing myself as the source of my patterns, I now have the option in the present of making different choices in how love will go for me from now on.
I’ve been taking a good look at all of this – and seeing just exactly how I’ve been the source of my disappointments in love.
Let me give you an example. For myself, something I can really understand now is that my failures in the last few years at “meeting the right guy” have actually been directly related to my choosing to date unavailable men, or to my finding a reason why a relationship would never work with available men who were interested in me.
Why would I do this when I want love so badly? Well, I have to admit that as much as I yearn for love, I have just realized that because I gave so much of myself away in my relationships, I’m actually afraid now of losing myself if I fall in love.
I have had the idea recently that I could either have a vibrant life of growth and adventure, or I could be married. But not both.
Wow. Who knew I was operating inside of such a no-win belief? Now that I see it clearly, however, I am challenging that assumption by taking a stand to have a relationship with a man who sees my power and my potential and fully supports me, allowing me to blossom more into the fullness of who I have the potential to be.
And I don’t have to covertly be unavailable myself, and date only men who are unavailable in order to avoid being “trapped.”
And seeing how I have been the source of my old painful pattern in love is great news. Because if I am the source of the pattern, then I also have the power to change that pattern.
This recognition is already impacting my life – I’m feeling empowered! I know Love is Possible!
Here’s to new possibilities!
~Coming soon: my deep dive into completing my past! (eek!)